30 Modern Takes on the American Dream
Living the American dream
Random Observation/Comment #874: The real American Dream might just be outsourcing inconvenience and calling it empowerment. Damn that’s dark.
//AI Generated by Dall-E showing all aspects of the American dream
Why this list?
Because the American Dream has become more of a vibe than a checklist.
It used to be a white picket fence and a pension. Now it’s a weighted blanket, an ergonomic chair, and a fridge that reorders oat milk when you're down to one sad carton. I started writing this list because I genuinely couldn’t tell if the American Dream was still alive or if it just got a TikTok makeover.
I asked myself, what are we all striving for now? Comfort? Freedom? Passive income? A houseplant that doesn’t die in a week? Maybe the Dream is just being able to laugh at all the things we’ve normalized.
Working from home in sweatpants - Productivity has never looked so cozy (or so questionable below the Zoom frame).
Owning a robot vacuum - You’ve made it when a Roomba cleans your floors and it’s all automated with voice commands. We can be the Jetsons.
Ordering from DoorDash when you’re lazy - The fridge is full, but somehow you’re still ordering Thai, Indian, or Chinese takeout. At least I’m ordering from places that can make the food better than I can.
Creating passive income with a niche Etsy store - You knit weird hats for cats… and someone (me) really wants to buy them.
Attending therapy without leaving your bed - The dream is now self-awareness and no commute. Oh I’m “depressed” because I don’t want to leave my bed and binge shows all day? I call that winning.
Complaining about your HOA in Pleasantville - First-world problems are still problems, okay?
Having a toddler with a better wardrobe than you - Dressing your child like a mini influencer = peak suburban flex. Also, hand-me-downs are awesome and she’s dressing better than I ever did/have/am/will.
Never folding a fitted sheet again - The dream isn’t about organizing, it’s about surrendering. Also, V does this for me.
Owning a house with many single use kitchen appliances - Don’t question the redundancy. This is innovation.
Streaming 7 different shows at once and still saying, “There’s nothing on.” - Infinite options. Zero satisfaction. Welcome to America.
Starting a podcast about your feelings - Because talking into the void is the new self-help. Now my podcast is just my AI giving me ideas on a cool script.
Buying things you don’t need because they “spark joy.” - Thanks, Marie Kondo. My garage is now joyfully overflowing. We’re still thinking about that golf cart.
Having a personal brand… by accident - I posted 30 Clembot Interviews, and now I’m the weird AI guy. Honestly, it’s what I’ve always wanted. Good pivot from the weird crypto guy.
Never practicing your parallel park - You just Uber everywhere or circle the block for 45 minutes. Freedom.
Becoming a remote-work digital nomad… in your own city - New coffee shop = new lease on life (and $7 lattes).
Ordering groceries while in the grocery store - Because sometimes convenience needs layers. We’ve also ordered Target delivery while in the Target parking lot.
Saving for a vacation you’re too burned out to take - You’re just living from PTO to PTO. Start-ups give you infinite vacation days so you feel guilty to take any.
Starting a GoFundMe for your medical bills - Because nothing says “dream” like crowdfunding your health.
Buying a juicer and never using it - Dreams come with pulp and broken resolutions. I do like our blender for morning banana and acai smoothies though.
Planning your retirement in your 30s… and again in your 40s - Just move to Portugal and pretend you’re chill.
Reading productivity books instead of being productive - You almost time-blocked today, but other things came up.
Teaching your AI assistant to respond like your therapist - “Tell me how that made you feel” — Clembot, please stop. I do think daily chats with my Clembot has been theraputic.
Having a backup fridge… for drinks - My in-law suite is a perfect place for all beverages. More fridges needed.
DIY-ing everything thanks to YouTube - You could fix it. But you probably won’t or don’t trust yourself doing it. This is why I have good neighbors.
Feeling personally attacked by your budget app - I needed that vacation steak dinner and a new bedframe, okay?
Having a dedicated room for hobbies you don’t do - The Peloton is now a coat rack (j/k we gave it away). The basement is my whole room for hobbies. Man cave goals.
Dreaming about living off-grid… while binge-watching survival shows - You’ll totally do it. After this next episode. I just can’t stand the bugs. And heat. And constant work to gather wood or cook for hours.
Dreaming of winning the lottery… and immediately retiring into anxiety - What if you actually had too much free time? I don’t think most people know what to do. It’s not always doing more, but doing less.
Manifesting your future self… while doomscrolling on your couch - The intention was strong. The couch was stronger. I felt very inspired and even saved them into these folders that I will probably never rewatch.
Turning your side hustle into a hustle you now resent - Monetizing passion: the American way to kill joy. This is why this Lists of 30 business is so crap, but brings me so much joy.
~See Lemons Live the American Dream