Random Observation/Comment #894: I’m an outcome of a very brave generation of immigrants.
//ChatGPT drawing of some random Asian ancestry inside a seemingly Clemens-like silhouette
Why this list?
My parents have been visiting in August and I've paid some more attention to the things they say and do. I’ve grown so quickly by my own account of time fast-forwarding through milestones and a bit of self-importance. I feel like I’ve willfully forgotten the usefulness of the ones who got us here. As an homage to their view of life and what they passed on to me, I quietly wrote this list of observations.
Self-sufficiency and independence are the most valuable currencies you will ever earn. Your name is your collateral. Guard it and build on it. I remember my Dad saying that a successful child that grows up to a successful adult is not “your” person anymore, but the world’s person. It’s always the hope of your independent child to still feel some dependency toward the parent.
Family and community are not abstract ideas, but they are a mutual agreement to share in the good and bad times. You show up when others need you, and they show up for you. Your good friends' success shows your own. The support structure is key to raising a strong family (including chosen family).
Manners are not just a show for strangers, but they are more importantly a sign of respect for yourself and others. You respect elders, you make sure guests are comfortable by being a good host, and you try your best to not inconvenience others.
Work is not just about money, but shows your spiritual practice. The discipline, the focus, and the rigor is the real reward. The money is just a result of working hard and challenging yourself. (Also, money is important).
Punctuality is not about being on time, but rather a declaration that you respect someone else's time more than you value your own. I can be humble to others. I am also a serial early-to-meeting attender.
Money is a tool, but not a monument. You use it to build things like a home, a business, and a future for the family, but not to show off how much you have. In fact, we've been taught to save money and live minimally out of need, but we're pretty bad at being creative on how to spend the money we've saved.
Cooking is a form of love. The best gifts are often put in lunch boxes, stuffed with home-cooked dinner leftovers.
Silence is a language. Sometimes the quietest conversations are the most meaningful. We can be comfortable sitting in silence with one another.
Education is a non-negotiable right and a privilege. The more you learn, the less a person can take from you. Even after formal schooling, always keep observing and learning.
Resilience is not something you are born with, but it’s something you build, brick by brick, every time you face a hardship without complaint. We keep trying the hard things because the easy things can be replaced or automated. My parents definitely pointed out the importance of teaching this resilience in Evie.
Gratitude is a daily practice. A warm bed, a full stomach, a roof over our heads are not givens. Be thankful.
Saving is a form of respect for your future self. It’s an act of compassion and shows you can sacrifice to plan ahead. I touched upon this in an earlier list item, but spending the money is a whole other struggle. I worry the next generation will benefit too much from our hard work and lose the resilience and lessons we've learned from hardship.
Health is your most important asset. You cannot work, cannot build, cannot help others if your body fails you. Be active.
Humility is the foundation of all wisdom. The world does not need another loud voice, but it can always use a quiet student. The Western culture really clashed with this as I've also found it to be true that you don't get what you don't ask for. I think there's a complacency here for building a bunch of sheep, but I don't know if that is necessarily a bad thing. Sheep seem pretty happy.
Respect for elders is a living library. They hold the stories, the lessons, and the hard-won wisdom that will guide you. Be curious and I think more often than not you'll be surprised.
Emotions cause pain and instability. They also give life and excitement. I don't think my parents wanted to teach me to not have emotions, but I've often found myself hiding them with a fear of being an inconvenience to others. In any case, I feel a stoic neutral emotion that's usually led by the reasoning side like Spock. The extremities of overly sad or overly happy are hard to reach.
Integrity is a mirror. What you do when no one is watching is who you truly are.
A good name is worth more than a fat bank account. The money can disappear, but your reputation will follow you forever.
Patience is a muscle. You train it by waiting in lines, by cooking long meals, and by watching your child learn to walk.
Hardship is a teacher. Every wound has a lesson, and every scar tells a story.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Holding on to anger is like holding onto your own pain. We often let it go. The greatest revenge is to forget while your enemy remembers and sleeps with an eye open.
Listening is an active skill. You don't just wait for your turn to speak, but you listen to understand someone else's perspective. No matter the age, I've notice my parents still wait to hear my opinion because it represents the weight of technology and a different upbringing of resourcefulness. I think I've become an extension of their toolset because why Google it when you can ask someone who probably knows the answer.
Sharing is a habit. You always leave a little on your plate for the next person, metaphorically and literally. Things taste better when we're all satisfied.
A good handshake is a contract. It tells the other person that you are solid, trustworthy, and that you mean what you say. I think retirement has moved this handshake to a closer hug. I think my Dad taught me a good handshake.
Your word is your bond. If you say you will do something, then you do it. We've also evolved from this to include the action that comes with your word (especially without reminders to keep it).
Learning a new skill is an investment in your own future. Your hands, your brain, and your spirit need to be fed with new challenges.
Discipline is freedom. It's the daily practice that allows you to achieve bigger goals and to live a more intentional life.
Legacy is not a building or a company, but rather the character you pass on to your children. It’s the small, quiet lessons that live on long after you are gone. I think this is why my parents seem like they're criticizing, but they're just trying to point out in the best way they can the importance of passing on a legacy.
Learn finance. After you earn the initial base, you can have your money work for you through proper investment and a low spend. In one sense, it's "what happens if the dictators take away all your money?" in which their teachings say my education, resiliency, and the ability to survive with less becomes the whole family's strength.
There's no shame in a simple life. I truly believe we can endure and survive with less rather than struggling in the expensive of others to have more. This might be engrained much deeper from the socialist or communist movements.
~See Lemons Keep Learning from Parents
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Random Observation/Comment #817: There’s a dad magnet at every Costco and it attracts me to the food and alcohol section. Give me that chicken bake. I can’t pass up a good deal.
